My face is st streaked salty rivers of tears. These are not from you, but from the fear I have created myself. I lay my head in your lap, looking and searching for comfort. You, my gentle Muse…
You run your strong fingers through my hair. The whispered words of love soothe my abused soul. I wrap my arms around you, as you have anchored me. You, my unknowing Savior…
Leaning down you kiss me softly on the head. I am filled with joy. With your love in tow I am able to be strong. I can learn to bear my own weight, and leave behind sorrow. You, my unwavering Bodyguard…
I reach for your touch, your kiss, your arms around me. Maybe for once I can close this book of fear and pain that I have written myself into. You, my darling Inspiration…
Well I talked to the Publisher today. No paper have been drawn up yet but it sounds like a done deal. I am searching for a cover artist. He says he knows some too. He shall see. I am ubber excited though!!!!
Well as I was in the tub tonight a story hit me. It is a short story about Naomi and Robert and their complete life together. I had to get that out and onto paper tonight. So I did. It is only first draft though. It is about 2,000 words at the moment.
I am happy with the story at least… One thing I like most about it, is that it is their story with out reveling the plot twists of the book it’s self. It is just them and the power of the Gypsy moon…
Ok So I am ubber excited! I may have my book in publish soon!
I have been approached by a small time publisher who wants to publish Naomi!!!
It is a small press but this is my first book so I am not complaining!!!!! I am still going to hurry and get things done because I would still like to submit to Jaberwalky but I have no idea they will take me. I am not going to throw way this opportunity….
Name Change:
I have changed my name. Yes that is right. No there is no change in my marital status. I just felt the need to change my identity. I am not running or hiding form anything, but like my Naomi I see the need to invent myself. Amanda McMillan is me invented as an author. I guess it is a Pseudonym. It is one that means allot to me, but only a few will understand… I will be updating more soon on my about me page…
New Character:
As anyone who knows me Naomi is a big part of my life, nit just in story on page, but so much more. Now there is another person I have created. At the moment, she is as close to me as Naomi. Her name is Carmilla Grey. I am still creating her, breathing life into her, but I feel her. I can feel her very essence… At this moment she is so much more to me than words on page, but she has become a part of me, and my dark and twisted mind. I hope she grows deeper, as I am sure she will. Already I can see a book grow around her.
Fun Site For Readers:
I found this site: Swaptree. It is a site to trade books!!!! I immediately fell in love with this site and have already been involved with 6 trades!!! It has more than just books too, but no lie that is what interests me. I am also looking into sites that let you rent books like netflix. I have found a few sites but have not picked one yet that I am ready to join. (I have to research everything I do.)
So anyway, I will be posting more about Carmilla soon…
This is me, feeling like a dumb little girl. I pushed away the man who I care most for. Why? I am not sure yet. Call it hormones, call it female insanity, or call it anything you want. Just be sure to watch out as I topple. I may shatter once I hit the ground. I put myself up too high on the pedestal, and the fall from here will be hard.
(My lament on my feelings for Robert)
I am lost, I am confused. I do not know where I am or where I am going. I am stuck in this crazy spiral, and can not even tell if I am moving up or down. Some days I can hardly eat and all I want to do is sleep, and then the next day I eat too much and lay in bed unable to sleep. It is like Samsara (That is the opposite of Nirvana, not the band either. Samsara is the spirals and chaos of unenlightenment).
I think I have what I want, but I can not be sure. For that matter; what is it that I want? I am too scared to hold on to the things I crave. So now I am left drowning. The life raft has to be out there; right? I can only tread water for so long. Are the things I refuse to hold onto my life rafts? Have I been lost to the sea?
Maybe I am just too proud to ask him for anything? I know I am too proud to lean on him when I need help, and too scared to let him see that. Most of all I am frightened to fall in love with him. As he accepts me for what I am, I accept him for who he is. That was one of the things that drew me to him in the first place. I would never want to change that, but it may be too late for anything now.
So ok I have been slacking off on my book for a little bit.
I am trying to get off my ass and do what I need to do right now. I am working on the outline for my book.
As I am doing that I am adding to the Time line that I started as I wrote the book… I even added the character’s birthdays and such.
I am almost done with the outline… In fact I should be working on that rather than blogging…
Has this weird way of coming back and visit you…
It is how we handle our past and embrace the moment that makes us stronger or weaker…
One can never let the past rule us, we should learn from it, take from it what we can but do not let it dominate the moments we live. Your past is not who you are, it just shapes what you have become.
If you do not like your past, evolve. Shed the past from off your shoulders, and reinvent your NOW. Remember, it is now that matters, for that is what we are faced with.
There is nothing in our past that is so grand that it is worth giving up an eternity of moments for.
more…
These are the books I read in October:
finished 10-7
Finished 10/6 I love all of his books! This was a good book but I must admit it left me wanting more.
Finished 10-02
So i have not been updating… I have been dealing with home drama and not working on my writing AT all and it is NaNoWriMo too… blah…
v
So today I am really writing…. I have worked some on my NaNoWriMo project, which I am not really liking the way that story is going and may have to scrap the whole project and start it all over from the top… so I doubt I am going to complete that in the months of November… But I am not going to give up on the project… I am also picking back up on Naomi though. once I finish my out line and synopsis (wich I should have done moths ago) I will start submitting agent queries once again…
Like I said… I suck… I have just been procrastinating… *smacks hand* “Bad writer, Bad! No books for you!”
finished 11/28
